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would start sobbing； and she wouldn’t be able to stop。
When Nate and Serena took their places at the table； Chuck
smirked at them knowingly。 How was it？ his face seemed to say。
Serena wanted to hit him。
She ordered another cup of coffee and dumped four teaspoons of
sugar in it and stirred and stirred； like she was trying to stir a hole
through the cup； the saucer； the table； and the floor； burrowing her
way into some old pharaoh’s tomb where she could cry and cry and
no one would find her。
Nate ordered a Bloody Mary。
“Bottoms up！” Chuck said cheerfully； banging his glass against
Nate’s and taking a big gulp。
Blair was back at the table。 She had already devoured her crème
brulée and was working on her mother’s。 It was full of chicken
abortions； but she didn’t care—she was going to throw it all up in a
minute anyway。
“Hey Blair；” Nate said softly； causing Blair to drop her spoon with a
clatter。 He smiled and leaned across the table。 “That looks
awesome；” he said。 “Can I have a bite？”
Blair’s hand fluttered nervously to her heart。 Sexy Nate。 Her Nate。
God； she wanted him。 But she wasn’t going to give up that easily。
She had her pride。
Blair regained her posure and pushed her plate toward him；
reaching for her drink and downing the rest of it in one big swallow。
“You can have the rest；” she said； and stood up。 “Excuse me。” Then
she clacked away in her heels to stick her finger down her throat in
the ladies’ room。
Some lady。
Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events havebeen altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
I thought S looked cute in her picture in the Sunday Times Styles
section。 Although her teachers probably weren’t thrilled to see her
double…fisting martinis on a school day。 To tell you the truth； I’m
kind of over the whole thing。 I mean； isn’t it enough that we have to
see that picture of her every time we use public transportation？
Obviously you’re not over it yet； though。
Your E…mail
hey gg；i went to the show at the gallery and looked for ur picture。
very sexy。 i like ur column too。 u rule。—Bigfan
Dear Bigfan； As long as you are not a stalker； I guess I’m flattered。
—GG
Dear Gossip Girl； When I saw S ’s picture in the paper； I had an
idea！！ Are you S ？ If you are； you are very sneaky。 Also； my dad
loves you and wants you to write a book。 He’s got lots of
connections。 If you tell me who you are； he can make you famous。
—JNYHY
Hey JNYHY； You are very sneaky yourself。 And not to brag or
anything； but I’m already kind of famous。 Infamous is more like it。
All the more reason for me not to tell you who I am。 —GGSightingsD was seen returning a gorgeous Armani tux at Barneys and
renting a much less gorgeous one at a formal store。 His sister J was
seen buying underwear at La Petite Coquette； although she
chickened out on the thong。 N was seen buying a big bag of pot in
Central Park。 Tell me something new。 B was seen in the J。 Sisters
salon getting another Brazilian wax。 The old one must have started
to itch。 S was seen with her feet out her bedroom window； letting
her toenails dry。 I don’t think she’s ever spent this much time at
home in her entire life。 Maybe she should get a cat or something。
Meow。
TWO QUESTIONS
First： If you knew about a party that you weren’t invited to； wouldn’t
you go； just to piss people off？ I would。
Second： If you’d made up your mind to go to the party； wouldn’t
you want to really rub people’s noses in it by looking pletely
gorgeous and stealing everyone’s boyfriends？ Definitely。
But who knows what S will decide to do。 That girl is full of
surprises。 。 。 。
At least I’ve given us all something to think about while we’re
getting our pedicures； plucking our eyebrows； and squeezing our
zits。
See you at the party！
You know you love me；
“Ugly； ugly； ugly；” Serena said； wadding her new black dress into a
ball and tossing it onto her bed。
A gorgeous Tocca dress？ e on； how ugly could it be？
Each day that week； Serena had dressed in her maroon uniform；
gone to school； e home； watched some TV； eaten dinner；
watched some more TV； and gone to sleep。 She even did some
homework。 She spoke to no one except her parents and her
teachers and maybe a passing greeting to the girls at school。 She
was beginning to feel only half…there； like the shadow of her former
self； a girl people had known once； but couldn’t quite remember
anymore。 And for the first time in her entire life； she felt ugly and
awkward。 Her eyes and hair looked dull to her； and her beautiful
smile and cool demeanor had been roped off until further notice。
Now it was Friday； the night of the Kiss on the Lips party。 And the
question she couldn’t answer： to go or not to go？
It used to be； before fancy parties like this； Serena and her friends
would spend half the night getting dressed together—swilling ginand…
tonics； dancing around in their underwear； trying on crazy
outfits。 But tonight Serena rummaged through her closet alone。
There was the pair of jeans with the rip in the leg where she’d
snagged them on a barbed…wire fence in Ridgefield。 There was the
white satin dress she’d worn to the Christmas dance in ninth grade。
Her brother’s old leather jacket。 Her moldy tennis shoes that should
have been thrown out two years ago。 And what was this？ A red wool
sweater—Nate’s。 Serena held it to her face and smelled it。 It
smelled like her； not him。
Toward the back of the closet was a black velvet flapper dress that
Serena had bought with Blair at a vintage store。 It was a dress to
wear while drinking and dancing and lounging around decoratively
in a huge house full of people having a good time。 It reminded
Serena of the good…time gal she’d been when she bought the dress
—her old self； the girl she’d been up until two weeks ago。 She let
her robe drop to the floor and slipped the dress on over her head。
Maybe it would give her back some of her power。
Barefoot； she padded into her parents’ dressing room； where they
were getting ready for their own black…tie affair。
“What do you think？” Serena asked； doing a little twirl in front of
them。
“Oh； Serena； you’re not wearing that。 Tell me you’re not；” her
mother exclaimed； fastening a long rope of pearls around her neck。
“What’s wrong with it？” Serena said。
“It’s an old ratty thing；” Mrs。 van der Woodsen told her。 “It’s just the
sort of dress my grandmother was buried in。”
“What’s wrong with one of those outfits you bought with your
mother last weekend？” Mr。 van der Woodsen suggested。 “Didn’t you
buy anything to wear to the party？”
“Of course she did；” Mrs。 van der Woodsen said。 “She bought a
lovely black dress。”
“That makes me look like a fat nun；” Serena said grumpily。 She put
her hands on her hips and posed in front of her mother’s full…length
mirror。 “I like this dress。 It’s got character。”
Her mother sighed disapprovingly。 “Well； what’s Blair wearing？” she
asked。
Serena stared at her mother and blinked。 Under normal
circumstances she would have known exactly what Blair was
wearing； down to her underwear。 And Blair would have insisted on
going shoe…shopping together； because if you bought a new dress；
you had to have a pair of new shoes。 Blair loved shoes。
“Blair told everyone to wear vintage；” Serena lied。
Her mother was about to respond when Serena heard her phone
ring in her bedroom。 Was it Nate calling to apologize？ Blair？ She
raced down the hall in her bare feet； scrambling to pick it up。
“Hello？” she said breathlessly。
“Yo； bitch。 Sorry I haven’t called in a while。”
Serena took a deep breath and sat down on her bed。 It was Erik； her
brother。
“Hey；” she said。
“Saw you in the paper last Sunday。 You are crazy； aren’t you？” Erik
laughed。 “What did Mom say？”
“Nothing。 It’s like I can do whatever I want now。 Everyone thinks I’m
like； ruined or something；” Serena said； fumbling for the right
words。
“That’s not true；” Erik said。 “Hey； what’s up？ Yo