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Marcus； take a carriage ride in Central Park； and then he？d ask her to marry him。 ？ Her eyes
misted over dreamily and she stepped on the back of Rain？s puffy white dress； nearly knocking
her over。
Focus； focus！
One by one the girls filed in and seated themselves in the first three rows of pews。 Thirty…four
seniors in total； not counting the missing two。 Mrs。 McLean stood at the pulpit； waiting to address
the outgoing class and their families。 Blair would give her speech directly afterwards； and then the
guest speaker； ？Auntie Lynn；？ some old lady who？d basically founded the Girl Scouts or
something； was supposed to talk。 Auntie Lynn was already leaning on her metal walker in the front
row； wearing a poo…brown pantsuit and hearing aids in both ears； looking sleepy and bored。 After
she spoke？or keeled over and died； whichever came first？Mrs。 McLean would hand out the
diplomas。
Mrs。 Weeds crashed through the last few chords of ？Pomp and Circumstance。？ ？Let us pray；？
Mrs。 McLean directed somberly and bowed her head。 The headmistress had bee deeply
religious after her husband； Randall； had died in a deep…sea fishing accident in the Florida Keys。
At least； that was the story the girls told； along with the one about Mrs。 McLean？s girlfriend；
Vonda； who lived in Mrs。 McLean？s country house up in Woodstock； New York； and drove a
tractor。 Mrs。 McLean had the wordsRide me； Vonda tattooed on her inner thigh。 There was even a
rumor that Vonda used tobe Randall； but none of the girls knew for sure。
？I heard Serena and Nate eloped to Mustique。 That？s why she？s not here；？ Rain whispered to
Laura。 ？She？s wearing her graduation dress as a wedding dress。 Remember how we saw her trying
on that veil in Vera Wang？？ she added knowingly。
？And I heard Vanessa is pregnant；？ Laura replied。 ？She？s up in Vermont with her parents； dealing。
I guess she？ll probably still get her diploma anyway。？
Blair tried unsuccessfully not to listen； but of course she was dying to know where Serena and
Vanessa were herself。 Had Vanessa gone off somewhere with Aaron？ Or Dan？ Had Serena and
Natereally eloped？ It was such a crazy day and such a crazy time in their lives； she wasn？t sure
what to believe。
？And now； I？m delighted to introduce Blair Waldorf； our senior class speaker；？ Mrs。 McLean
announced。 With a bob of her Raggedy Ann auburn head； she stepped away from the podium to
make way for Blair。 Blair stood up； smoothed out her swishy； pleated white satin Oscar de la
Renta skirt； and climbed daintily over the pointy white…shoe…clad feet of her classmates； growing
steadily more and more enraged as she overheard snatches of their whispers and mutterings。
？Serena is so totally not going to Yale next year。？
？Vanessa is in L。A。 Didn？t you hear？ She？s making a movie with Brad Pitt。？
Blair mounted the steps to the podium？a vision of perfection with her Oscar…tailored satin suit；
her smooth and shiny dark bob； her long…lashed bright blue eyes； her glittering coral…colored
mouth； and her exquisite white shoes。 She cleared her throat； trying to tear everyone？s attention
away from the subject of the two missing girls。
？Thank you；？ she began。 ？First； I？d like to congratulate my class。 We made it！？ she cried with
exaggerated glee。 But none of her fucking classmates were even looking at her。
Who cares？ Who cares？ Who cares？She was graduating today； she had an amazing new
boyfriend who just happened to be an English lord； and in the fall she was off to Yale。 That was all
that mattered； she told herself as she continued her speech。 And that she looked seriously hot in
her sleek Oscar de la Renta suit while all the other girls looked like Little Bo Beep in their frilly
white dresses。
？Now here we are； college…bound； and we？re all still friends；？ Blair declared determinedly。
Sure they are。
oh； the places you？ll go！？not
Daaah； dee…dee…dee； daaah； daaah ？
St。 Jude？s didn？t bother renting out a church or lining their boys up in size order。 They just held a
small； solemn ceremony in the school？s rooftop gym； wished the boys well； and then sent them on
their way。 The usually cavernous…looking gym seemed smaller now； filled as it was with folding
chairs； mothers in Chanel jackets and over…the…knee linen skirts； and dads in Brooks Brothers
summer…weight gray flannel suits。
Nate had been waiting for this day forever； and to mark the occasion； he and his buddies had
gotten good and high at Charlie？s house beforehand。 Then they？d put on their burgundy…colored
school ties and their navy blue wool school jackets with the dorky brass buttons that they？d never；
ever have to wear again； and walked over。
He glanced over his shoulder at his parents； seated stiffly across the aisle and six rows back。
Captain Archibald met his gaze and waved the graduation program angrily in front of him；
stabbing at the list of graduates with his index finger； his gray…blond eyebrows knitted together in
outrage。
Nate picked up the program where it had fallen between his Church？s of London tan suede
lace…ups and studied it to see if he could figure out what his dad？s problem was。 Forty…three boys？
names were printed neatly in navy blue in two concise columns。 The very first name on the list
had a tiny asterisk next to it； and at the very bottom of the program； next to a matching tiny
asterisk； was the note；Diploma pending 。 Nate squinted； wondering if his thoroughly baked brain
was playing tricks on him； but there it was again； an asterisk next to his name？Nathaniel
Fitzwilliam Archibald。 * Diploma pending。
Fuck！
Father Mark； the ancient former pastor who？d been the St。 Jude？s principal since at least 1947；
hunkered over the podium set up in the front of the gym； his hands shaking as he began to read out
the boys？ names。 Of course Nate was first。 ？Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald！？
Nate stood up and walked to the front of the gym； keeping his eyes on the black and blue lines
duct…taped to the floor for hoops and floor hockey。 ？Way to go； man；？ a bunch of guys whispered
sarcastically。 Nate？s neck burned with shame。 There was an asterisk next to his name。
Father Mark handed him a square navy blue faux leather folder and shook his hand just like he
was supposed to； without any acknowledgment of the asterisk。 Nate turned around and walked
back to his seat； nearly colliding with Coach Michaels； who was blocking the aisle in his frigging
red Lands？ End windbreaker。 He grabbed Nate？s shirtsleeve and lunged forward to whisper in his
ear。 ？I？ve got your number； boy；？ he wheezed； then patted Nate roughly on the shoulder before
letting him go。
？Aw。 Isn？t that sweet？？ somebody？s mother cooed； mistaking Coach？s threat for a
congratulatory embrace。
Nate returned to his seat； breathless and sweaty。 ？Anthony Arthur Avuldsen！？ the old principal
croaked； impatiently waving the blue folder containing Anthony？s diploma over his
white…peach…fuzz…covered head。
Anthony lumbered over Nate？s khaki…pants…clad knees with stoned concentration。 Nate clapped
his friend on his muscular back。 ？You made it；？ he murmured weakly as the now…familiar choky；
about…to…cry feeling welled up in his throat。
？Charles Cameron Dern！？ Father Mark croaked hoarsely。
？Dude；？ Charlie murmured to Nate as he stumbled by； ？what？s with the little star？？
Nate was too perplexed to cry。 He just sat there in stoned numbness； his father？s furious stare
burning holes in his back as his fellow classmates collected their diplomas。 The blue leather folder
lay closed on his lap。 He nudged it open with his thumb just a crack。 Just as he？d suspected： The
folder was empty。
Oh； boy。
Directly behind old Father Mark was the black metal door with the words
PHYSICALEDUCATIONDEPARTMENTstenciled on it in white。 Nate stared at the door； his
glittering green eyes blinking in consternation。 Did the asterisk have something to do with
Coach？s Viagra？
Finally； he？s catching on！
D could use a little more love
？So in conclusion； who needs college？at least； right now？ I？ve got my whole life to get educated。
Just like John L