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irritating never…get…to…finish…your…drink party…hopping business。 Let？s just find the perfect venue；
invite everyone； have the time of our lives； and never leave。
your e…mail
Q： dear GG；
my little brother is in the ninth grade at st。 jude？s and he heard thatN is going to a shrink。
supposedly he has to； like； regress back to being a baby so his shrink can figure out why he？s such
a pothead。 that？s why he？s crying all the time。
？nformed
A：Dear nformed；
Forgive me for asking； but doesn？t this regression technique also causeN to wet his pants？ Ew。
Poor guy！
？GG
Sightings
NkissingS demurely on the cheek outside her apartment building at Eighty…second and Fifth。
Were her parents watching； or is he； like； the only boy in the entire universe who can actually
resist her； even though she？s supposedly his girlfriend？ Maybe he had soggy pants and he had to
hurry home and change？B andC blasting music in traffic on theWilliamsburg Bridge 。 His arm was
around her and she was petting his monkey。 Nowthere？s a relationship that could work！V spraying
her rooftop love den with air freshener and rearranging the fur throw pillows。 With so many guys
to pick up after； it must be hard to keep things tidy and smelling fresh。 And was that a pair of boys？
tighty…whiteys we saw her toss off the roof to the street？！J in aNew Hampshire hardware store
trying to talk her dad out of buying a wheelbarrow forD as a joke graduation present instead of a
car。 Don？t think he？d appreciate the joke。K andI trying on every pair of white flatsFerragamo
makes。 Is someone going to tell those girls that wearing matching shoes is tacky？ Hey look； I just
did！
Remember； graduation is really for the moms and dads。 So why not wear that frillyLaura Ashley
dress with the enormous white bow over the butt that your mom has been saving for you since you
were ten and then reap the rewards。 Can you spellB…M…W ； anyone？
Excuse my greed。
You know you love me。
gossip girl
S demonstrates how to be naughty and nice
？Mr。 Beckham？？ Serena called； tugging open the first of four heavy black curtains that led into
Constance Billard？s darkroom。 ？Mr。 Beckham； is it okay if I e in and talk to you for a
minute？？
Serena heard a stool squeak。 ？Sure thing； e on in；？ Constance Billard？s only film teacher
called back。 ？Careful with the curtains。？
Classes were over for the day； and a quiet hung over the school； broken only by the laughter of a
few stray girls or the click of a teacher？s heels。 Serena had stayed behind to see if she could
remedy the whole senior…class…speaker situation。 Not that she？d definitely get it； but she？d taken
enough away from Blair already。 Being senior class speaker would just be one more thing she
got without really wanting it。
Like a certain green…eyed boyfriend？
She slipped inside the darkroom； making sure the curtains swung closed behind her to block out
every bit of light。 A special red darkroom lamp glowed overhead； but it was still hard to see。
Goosebumps appeared on Serena？s bare arms and legs。 The darkroom always gave her the chills。
Mr。 Beckham was the only cool young male teacher at Constance。 Except he thought he was
cooler； younger； and better looking than he actually was。 Fancying himself an artist； he wore
chunky black rectangular glasses and tight black long…sleeved Club Monaco T…shirts that showed
off his gym…toned chest。 He spiked his dark blond hair with gel and inserted the odd French word
whenever he could。
？Ah； Serena；？ he exclaimed； pushing away the poppy…seed bagel with cream cheese he？d been
snacking on。 He spread his arms out wide。 ？Quelle pleasure！？
Serena fiddled with the button on the waistband of her light…blue…and…white seersucker spring
uniform skirt and shifted from foot to foot。 Why was talking to a teacher outside of class always
slightly embarrassing？
Especially when you suspected the teacher had a teensy…weensy crush on you。
？Um； I just wanted to thank you for nominating me for senior speaker；？ Serena told him。 She
stuck her thumb in her mouth and began gnawing on its already chewed…on pearly pink nail。
Note to all： Only ridiculously beautiful people can get away with this sort of behavior without
grossing everyone else out。
？Anyway；？ she continued； ？I just wanted you to know that I crossed myself off the list of
nominees。？ She moved on to her ring finger； which hadn？t been chewed on since breakfast。 ？I？ve
never been that good at making speeches。？
Plus； Blair is the only other person nominated； and she really wants to do it； and I？m afraid if I
get it she might murder me in my sleep。
Mr。 Beckham took off his glasses and began to clean them with the bottom of his black T…shirt；
revealing a bare patch of surprisingly buff stomach。 Serena tried not to stare and wondered
fleetingly if he was gay。 His bare skin seemed totally indecent； like he was flashing her or
something。
？You know why I nominated you；n？est…ce pas ？？ he asked； looking searchingly at her in the red
darkness as he continued to clean his glasses。
Mais oui。 Because you have le hots pour elle？
？Well ？？ Serena began； searching for an excuse to turn and flee。 There was suddenly something
creepy and unsanitary about the fact that Mr。 Beckham had been eating a bagel while developing
film。 She wondered if he was addicted to the chemicals or something。
Mr。 Beckham put his glasses back on and sat back on his metal swivel stool。 ？Serena； I？ve been
watching you since I came here； back when you were only in seventh grade。 And I know it sounds
corny； but you really lit up my darkroom。？ He stopped to clear his throat； clearly too nervous to
think of any words in French。 ？If I weren？t your teacher； I？d ？？
He？d ？ pour fixer all over her and lick it off？ Some advice：Run； girl； run！！！！
Serena was pretty sure she didn？t want to hear anything more。 ？Um； Mr。 Beckham？ Sorry； but I
really have to go。 I just wanted to say thanks for being so supportive。？ She held up her hand and
waved stiffly； even though he was sitting right in front of her。 ？I guess I？ll see you at graduation；？
she added with faux cheerfulness。 Then she turned to push her way through the heavy curtains
again。
？Wait。？
Her stomach filled with dread and she shivered again in her thin white baby tee。 She could hear
voices outside in the hallway。 Someone would hear her if she yelled loudly enough。 She turned
around。 ？I really do have to go。？
Mr。 Beckham slipped off his stool and walked toward her。 ？May I ？？ He swallowed； his Adam？s
apple bobbing nervously。 ？Would you mind if I just ？ gave you a petit； petit kiss？？ he asked
quietly； pinching together his thumb and forefinger to demonstrate just how small the kiss would
be。
Serena hesitated； reluctant to turn this into a huge deal but eager to get rid of him。 She could just
say no and leave。 Or she could freak out and run up to Mrs。 M？s office and turn him in。 Or she
could let him give her a little tiny kiss to remember her by and then just forget about it forever。
She shrugged her bony shoulders and turned to offer up her smooth； delicately sun…freckled
cheek； making it quite clear that Mr。 Beckham wasn？t about to get any lip action。
He took a step forward and placed a careful kiss in the middle of her cheek； like a stamp。 ？Tant
pis；？ he breathed wistfully and then flung open the darkroom curtains； as if to let her know that he
had no intention of molesting her any further。
Guess he didn？t care much about exposing his film。
？Adieu； Serena。？
In the hall just outside the darkroom； Mrs。 M stood dressed in her favorite red； white； and blue
Talbots linen pantsuit with Ms。 D？Agostino； the mousy freshman Spanish teacher； who was
holding a gold metal tin full of chocolate truffles。 ？Ooh； you little she…devil！？ Mrs。 M cooed
delightedly as she popped a truffle into her mouth。 Then she noticed Serena and her brown eyes
grew wide； like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar。
Serena fought back a fit of giggles； suddenly feeling like a balloon with too much air in it。 How
bizarre life