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〃They're probably fakes； you just can't tell from here；〃 Isabel replied。
Neither girl wanted to admit what they were really thinking… that Damian or Lloyd from the Raves
had probably given Jenny the shoes and the glasses… because to be jealous of a freshman was so
pletely uncool。
Serena； Blair and Jenny had only just stepped inside the doors when they were accosted by Mrs。
M； Constance Billard's formidable headmistress。
〃Girls； Mrs。 M manded。 〃I'd like to talk to all three of you in my office； please。 Your parents
are on their way。〃
Huh？ All three girls wondered in unison。
This should be fun。
Mrs。 M's face was doughy and soft； and her hair was dyed Raggedy Ann auburn and permed into
little ringlets； giving her a sweet； grandmotherly appearance。 But appearances lie： she was
anything but sweet。 In fact； she was a big； mean old dyke who purportedly kept a tractor…driving
girlfriend in her house upstate and had a tattoo on her thigh that said； 〃Ride me； Vonda。〃
〃Sit down； girls；〃 she ordered； arranging her wide navy blue Talbots pantsuit… clad ass on the
period chair behind her giant mahogany desk。 Mrs。 M's office was decorated entirely in red； white；
and blue and the Constance girls weren't quite sure what she actually thought she was the
president or if she was extremely patriotic。
In a daze of obedience； Serena； Blair and Jenny planted themselves on the stiff blue loveseat
opposite of Mrs。 M's desk。 The loveseat was a little crowded with all three of them on it； but the
nearness was forting。
〃Two of you are meant to be graduating next month； after which you are no longer my
responsibility；〃 Mrs。 M began。 〃One of you； however； has only just begun her high school career；
and you've already headed in a very bad direction； no thanks to the two of you seniors。〃 She
propped a pair of half…glasses on her nose and sorted through a bunch of files on her desk。 〃All
three of you are in very precarious position。〃
Blair opened her mouth to speak； but then closed it again when her mother appeared in the
doorway of Mrs。 M's office； dressed in tennis white and carrying a fussing and whimpering Yale in
a Burberry baby sling。 The sling hadn't been adjusted properly and it banged against her hip like a
cumbersome tote bag。
〃I'm trying this new thing called 'attachment parenting'；〃 Eleanor explained breathlessly。 〃It's
supposed to make your child bond with you and increase their confidence。〃 She giggles and
hitched the sling up on her shoulder awkwardly。 〃I think you're supposed to walk around like this
all day long； but who has the time？ I've got the tennis at the Y； lunch at Daniel and a facial at
Arden； and Cyrus and I are going out to Bridgehampton later this week。 Half and hour on
Mondays and Wednesdays is all the bonding time I have！〃
Still； she gets points for trying。
〃Oh； and Blair； dear； there's a Dior sample sale I thought you might be interested in going to。 It's at
noon。 You could meet me there。〃
Mrs。 M raised an un…plucked brown eyebrow。 Shopping during school hours… heaven forbid！
Although if it had been a Talbots sample sale； even she might have been tempted。
〃Mrs。 Rose。〃 Mrs。 M pointed efficiently to the wing backed chair next to the loveseat upon which
the girls were perched。 〃I realize you're busy； but I wanted to express my concern about the fact
that your daughter is apparently living in a hotel。 With her acceptance at Yale University hanging
in the balance； I hardly think it's appropriate for a young woman to be living in such。。。〃 She
paused searching for the appropriate words。 〃An undisciplined environment。〃
Eleanor beamed cluelessly back at the headmistress。 She had noticed that Blair had gone away for
the weekend； but she wasn't exactly sure where； and she hadn't really notice that Blair hadn't e
home last night； because she and Cyrus had gone to a cocktail party to celebrate the opening of
one of his new buildings and hadn't e home until nearly two themselves。 She sat down in an
armchair to the left of Mrs。 M's desk and crossed her legs； tucking Yale up under her arm like the
latest Hermès Birkin bag。 Yale whined in protest； but Eleanor kept on smiling； as if she wasn't sure
what else to do。
Blair squirmed unfortably in her place on the loveseat。 With a mother like that； couldn't Mrs。
M understand why she had to live in a hotel？
〃Blair stayed at my house last night；〃 Serena fibbed。 For someone who looked like Upper East
Side Barbie； Serena was extremely good at thinking on her feet； or her Manolos； or whatever
shoe…of…the…moment she happened to be wearing。 〃Look； she even borrowed one of my uniforms。〃
〃Then why have I been fielding calls all morning from parents and prospective parents worried
about their daughters sleeping in hotel rooms with drunken rock stars？〃 Mrs。 M demanded。 〃I
even had a publishing house call to inform me that next year Constance Billard will have the
honor of being listed as one of the best five schools to send your daughter to if you want her to be
a celebrity or just date one。〃
〃Cool；〃 jenny blurted out； and then immediately wished she hadn't。
Mrs。 M shot her a don't…even…start…you…little…chickenshit glare。 The headmistress seemed to be at
loss for giving Eleanor advice on how to raise her daughter； which most have been frequent
problem； considering the fact that most of the parents of Constance Billard did not raise their
daughters themselves。 They had help；a nd lots of it。
〃I'm sure if the girls were together they couldn't have done much harm；〃 Eleanor mented with
more savvy than Blair had thought she was capable of。
〃We didn't even leave the room；〃 Blair added； and then clamped her mouth shut again。 What was
her problem anyway？ Serena had just said they'd stayed at her house last night。
Then Serena's mother； Lillian van der Woodsen and Jenny's father； Rufus Humphrey； suddenly
appeared in the doorway of Mrs。 M's office。 Rufus was unaccustomed to leaving the house or even
waking up before eleven o'clock and looked even more disheveled and outrageous than usual。 His
long； wiry salt…and pepper hair was pulled into a bun updo and fastened with the huge glittery
purple plastic hairclip Jenny had bought in fourth grade； and he was wearing grey sweatpants that
had been cut off to a sort of midcalf calm…digger length and a red flannel shirt withone sleeve
rolled up and a pack of unfiltered Camels sticking out of the breast pocket。 His shoes were okay…
vintage brown penny loafers… only not so good with the sweatpants and seriously awful without
socks。
Mrs。 van der Woodsen was her usual immaculately dressed and poised self； seeming to emanate an
odor of fresh…cut lilies and French…milled soap。 She hugged her long； tanned arms against her
chest； risking wrinkling her mint green linen Chanel dress so that none of her body parts would get
too close to Rufus。
〃Sorry we're late for the inquisition；〃 Rufus growled。 He shot Jenny a threatening look。 〃I wouldn't
have missed it for the world。〃
Mrs。 van der Woodsen went over and graciously kissed Mrs。 M on the cheek。 It was the sort of
kiss benefactors are used to bestowing on the directors of the organizations they so generously
give millions of dollars to。 〃It's my fault the girls were late for school；〃 she admitted。 〃My driver
had to rush off to pick up my dry cleaning； so they were forced to walk。〃
Serena shot her mother a grateful glance and her mother blinked with silent understanding。
Now we all know where Serena got her grace under pressure。
Baby Yale suddenly made the type of gastrointestinal noise that only babies are allowed to make
in public。 Eleanor wiped out her cell phone and dialed the nanny。 She'd had quite enough bonding；
thank you very much。 She wasn't about to risk having to change a diaper。 〃Stay in the car； I'll be
right out；〃 she directed frantically。
Mrs。 M looked like she suddenly realized there were way too many people in the room and that if
she didn't do something about it； things were going to get extremely weird。
As if they weren't weird enough already。
The headmis