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英语天堂-第121部分

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s busily; and strove to fill up the chasm in his heart with hurry and bustle; and change of place; and people who saw him in the street; or met him at the cafe; knew of his loss only by the weed on his hat; for there he was; smiling and talking; and reading the newspaper; and speculating on politics; and attending to business matters; and who could see that all this smiling outside was but a hollowed shell over a heart that was a dark and silent sepulchre?
“Mr。 St。 Clare is a singular man;” said Marie to Miss Ophelia; in a complaining tone。 “I used to think; if there was anything in the world he did love; it was our dear little Eva; but he seems to be forgetting her very easily。 I cannot ever get him to talk about her。 I really did think he would show more feeling!”
“Still waters run deepest; they used to tell me;” said Miss Ophelia; oracularly。
“O; I don’t believe in such things; it’s all talk。 If people have feeling; they will show it;—they can’t help it; but; then; it’s a great misfortune to have feeling。 I’d rather have been made like St。 Clare。 My feelings prey upon me so!”
“Sure; Missis; Mas’r St。 Clare is gettin’ thin as a shader。 They say; he don’t never eat nothin’;” said Mammy。 “I know he don’t forget Miss Eva; I know there couldn’t nobody;—dear; little; blessed cretur!” she added; wiping her eyes。
“Well; at all events; he has no consideration for me;” said Marie; “he hasn’t spoken one word of sympathy; and he must know how much more a mother feels than any man can。”
“The heart knoweth its own bitterness;” said Miss Ophelia; gravely。
“That’s just what I think。 I know just what I feel;—nobody else seems to。 Eva used to; but she is gone!” and Marie lay back on her lounge; and began to sob disconsolately。
Marie was one of those unfortunately constituted mortals; in whose eyes whatever is lost and gone assumes a value which it never had in possession。 Whatever she had; she seemed to survey only to pick flaws in it; but; once fairly away; there was no end to her valuation of it。
While this conversation was taking place in the parlor another was going on in St。 Clare’s library。
Tom; who was always uneasily following his master about; had seen him go to his library; some hours before; and; after vainly waiting for him to come out; determined; at last; to make an errand in。 He entered softly。 St。 Clare lay on his lounge; at the further end of the room。 He was lying on his face; with Eva’s Bible open before him; at a little distance。 Tom walked up; and stood by the sofa。 He hesitated; and; while he was hesitating; St。 Clare suddenly raised himself up。 The honest face; so full of grief; and with such an imploring expression of affection and sympathy; struck his master。 He laid his hand on Tom’s; and bowed down his forehead on it。
“O; Tom; my boy; the whole world is as empty as an egg…shell。”
“I know it; Mas’r;—I know it;” said Tom; “but; oh; if Mas’r could only look up;—up where our dear Miss Eva is;—up to the dear Lord Jesus!”
“Ah; Tom! I do look up; but the trouble is; I don’t see anything; when I do; I wish I could。”
Tom sighed heavily。
“It seems to be given to children; and poor; honest fellows; like you; to see what we can’t;” said St。 Clare。 “How comes it?”
“Thou has ‘hid from the wise and prudent; and revealed unto babes;’” murmured Tom; “‘even so; Father; for so it seemed good in thy sight。’”
“Tom; I don’t believe;—I can’t believe;—I’ve got the habit of doubting;” said St。 Clare。 “I want to believe this Bible;—and I can’t。”
“Dear Mas’r; pray to the good Lord;—‘Lord; I believe; help thou my unbelief。’”
“Who knows anything about anything?” said St。 Clare; his eyes wandering dreamily; and speaking to himself。 “Was all that beautiful love and faith only one of the ever…shifting phases of human feeling; having nothing real to rest on; passing away with the little breath? And is there no more Eva;—no heaven;—no Christ;—nothing?”
“O; dear Mas’r; there is! I know it; I’m sure of it;” said Tom; falling on his knees。 “Do; do; dear Mas’r; believe it!”
“How do you know there’s any Christ; Tom! You never saw the Lord。”
“Felt Him in my soul; Mas’r;—feel Him now! O; Mas’r; when I was sold away from my old woman and the children; I was jest a’most broke up。 I felt as if there warn’t nothin’ left; and then the good Lord; he stood by me; and he says; ‘Fear not; Tom;’ and he brings light and joy in a poor feller’s soul;—makes all peace; and I ’s so happy; and loves everybody; and feels willin’ jest to be the Lord’s; and have the Lord’s will done; and be put jest where the Lord wants to put me。 I know it couldn’t come from me; cause I ’s a poor; complainin’cretur; it comes from the Lord; and I know He’s willin’ to do for Mas’r。”
Tom spoke with fast…running tears and choking voice。 St。 Clare leaned his head on his shoulder; and wrung the hard; faithful; black hand。
“Tom; you love me;” he said。
“I ’s willin’ to lay down my life; this blessed day; to see Mas’r a Christian。”
“Poor; foolish boy!” said St。 Clare; half…raising himself。 “I’m not worth the love of one good; honest heart; like yours。”
“O; Mas’r; dere’s more than me loves you;—the blessed Lord Jesus loves you。”
“How do you know that Tom?” said St。 Clare。
“Feels it in my soul。 O; Mas’r! ‘the love of Christ; that passeth knowledge。’”
“Singular!” said St。 Clare; turning away; “that the story of a man that lived and died eighteen hundred years ago can affect people so yet。 But he was no man;” he added; suddenly。 “No man ever had such long and living power! O; that I could believe what my mother taught me; and pray as I did when I was a boy!”
“If Mas’r pleases;” said Tom; “Miss Eva used to read this so beautifully。 I wish Mas’r’d be so good as read it。 Don’t get no readin’; hardly; now Miss Eva’s gone。”
The chapter was the eleventh of John;—the touching acomount of the raising of Lazarus; St。 Clare read it aloud; often pausing to wrestle down feelings which were roused by the pathos of the story。 Tom knelt before him; with clasped hands; and with an absorbed expression of love; trust; adoration; on his quiet face。
“Tom;” said his Master; “this is all real to you!”
“I can jest fairly see it Mas’r;” said Tom。
“I wish I had your eyes; Tom。”
“I wish; to the dear Lord; Mas’r had!”
“But; Tom; you know that I have a great deal more knowledge than you; what if I should tell you that I don’t believe this Bible?”
“O; Mas’r!” said Tom; holding up his hands; with a deprecating gesture。
“Wouldn’t it shake your faith some; Tom?”
“Not a grain;” said Tom。
“Why; Tom; you must know I know the most。”
“O; Mas’r; haven’t you jest read how he hides from the wise and prudent; and reveals unto babes? But Mas’r wasn’t in earnest; for sartin; now?” said Tom; anxiously。
“No; Tom; I was not。 I don’t disbelieve; and I think there is reason to believe; and still I don’t。 It’s a troublesome bad habit I’ve got; Tom。”
“If Mas’r would only pray!”
“How do you know I don’t; Tom?”
“Does Mas’r?”
“I would; Tom; if there was anybody there when I pray; but it’s all speaking unto nothing; when I do。 But come; Tom; you pray now; and show me how。”
Tom’s heart was full; he poured it out In prayer; like waters that have been long suppressed。 One thing was plain enough; Tom thought there was somebody to hear; whether there were or not。 In fact; St。 Clare felt himself borne; on the tide of his faith and feeling; almost to the gates of that heaven he seemed so vividly to conceive。 It seemed to bring him nearer to Eva。
“Thank you; my boy;” said St。 Clare; when Tom rose。 “I like to hear you; Tom; but go; now; and leave me alone; some other time; I’ll talk more。”
Tom silently left the room。
1 “This is the last of Earth! I am content;” last words of John Quincy Adams; uttered February 21; 1848。
Chapter 28
Reunion
Week after week glided away in the St。 Clare mansion; and the waves of life settled back to their usual flow; where that little bark had gone down。 For how imperiously; how coolly; in disregard of all one’s feeling; does the hard; cold; uninteresting course of daily re
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